did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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