buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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