So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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