Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
