Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
