i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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