i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
