I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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