Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
