Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
