Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
