I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
