it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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