glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
