literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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