i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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