Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
