I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
