Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
