census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
