Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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