I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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