No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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