Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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