dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
