My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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