party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
sarcasm needs its own font
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
