So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
