I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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