Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
