I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
