I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
