the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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