At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
