I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
