Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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