ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
