I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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