listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
