if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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