I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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