She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
