You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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