guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
