office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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