if i can run in heels then i can drive
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
