my phone needs a breathalizer
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
