since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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