Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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