Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
